Divorcing Motivation

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divorcing motivation

I am divorcing motivation.

We have filed due to irreconcilable differences, because he just isn’t the take-charge kind of guy I thought he was.

I am constantly waiting dinner on him and he never shows up.

I think he is cheating on me with the super mom next door, because when does come around he never really seems in the mood to do anything.

Meanwhile laundry impatiently sits beside me, dishes call from the sink, and weeds are crawling up the side of the house begging for attention.

Yet here I sit waiting for motivation.

Of course, I guess he may have some valid complaints about me too–I mean if I were to be honest.  Certain habits of mine may cause him to stay away, and when he does come home I do kind of ignore him and play on my phone.

I also have a sitting problem.

I am sitting right now and I am having a great time; even if he were here I probably wouldn’t notice.

What if the motivation I thought I knew never really existed at all?

I think I might have made the whole relationship up.

I suddenly think that there is nothing outside of myself that will come in and force me out this chair; it has to come from me and I have be willing to do it even when I don’t want to.

There are many things I need to do but that I don’t want to do and for a variety of reasons.

Sometimes my husband works overnights and I can’t sleep so I am really tired.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed and just don’t know where to start.

The constant flow of homemaking becomes overwhelming to me because it is never done, and I like things that get done and stay done,  When this blog post is done, I won’t go back to it ten minutes (or thirty seconds) later and find out someone crunched up Cheetos all over it.

Truth is, though, none of that matters because this household management thing is on me, and I just keep sitting here waiting for an imaginary thing called motivation to force me to want to do it.

I guess the thing is that whether I want to do it or not doesn’t really matter, I just have to do it simply because it needs done.

Honestly, who else should be doing it?

My husband works at a physically exhausting job with crazy swing shift hours yet he rarely complains about anything. I can burn the food (which I usually do) or send him on a search for socks yet he never gripes.

While my kids are learning to do their chores, I certainly can’t expect them to maintain my household.

And the dogs, well they are just plain lazy.

So, instead of waiting for motivation to show up, I just have to do it myself because I have been given a job to do.

What is strange about it is that once I start to do what needs done, I suddenly find this weird sense of wanting to keep on.

Maybe motivation has been there all along like a dust in my belly waiting to be stirred up. I think that sitting too long does that to us, we suddenly find ourselves too comfortable and we just want to stay there.

This is also true on the mission field. The tasks that God asks me to do pile up and I sit waiting on someone else to do them.

Whose job is it to give a hand to my neighbor in need, though, if it’s not mine?

There is no one else with the jobs that God has given me to do.

Be it in the trenches of laundry or in the trenches of the world, I have to get up and do it because it just isn’t anyone else’s job to.

Once I get going I will want to go on and on.

So motivation and I are back together, I just have come to realize that I have to be the one make the first move.

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