Hermit Crab Under Investigation



Authorities received a frantic call this morning and were summoned to a gory scene.

There, within the glass enclosure on top of the dining room table, the dismembered body of Bob the hermit crab was discovered. He was quickly pronounced dead, although admittedly no life saving efforts were made.

Due to his recent mental breakdown over a cracked shell, suicide was quickly stated as the cause of death but evidence seems to point to homicide. Suspect is none other than the crab’s own roommate, Hermit the hermit crab, who was found sitting on top of Bob’s severed big claw.

The family said that Hermit was often crabby, but that they never knew he was capable of murder.

“He always did keep to himself,” said the biggest Duncan boy. “He is a hermit crab, though, so we didn’t think much about it.”

Officials said there will likely be no charges filed.

“We are uncertain how to punish an already imprisoned hermit crab,” said the Coroner who is also the Judge, Maid, Cook, Chauffer and one time guardian ad litum for a caterpillar–which is another story.

Services for Bob were performed over a trash bag, and a heartfelt “eeeeeewwwww” was said on his behalf before he was tossed…errr….laid to his final rest on top of an old green been can.

Hermit’s enclosure has been moved into the littlest Duncan’s bedroom which everyone agreed was punishment enough.


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