After a long holiday season of eating, here is a guide to getting into your pants.
1. Grab pants from dresser and talk nice to them. Tell them they are pretty, they like that.
2. Begin by putting pants over knees and then do a special wiggle and hop move while simultaneously tugging and grunting.
3. Grit teeth and pull at the waist while grabbing button and zipping all at the same time. This move takes practice.
4. Stand for a moment and proudly look in the mirror. Pat yourself on the back for fitting into favorite pants–if you can move.
5. Unzip pants and breathe.
Note: Do this quickly after the previous move if you don’t want to fall over dead.